Malaysia is an interracial country with different races, religions and cultures. Racism in our country today may not be explicitly shown but unconscious biases towards other races still exists, whether we like it or now.
6 couples share with DiscoverKL how despite being of different races, they go against all odds to be together, breaking stereotypes along the way. Here’s what they have to say about being an interracial couple in Malaysia and they share their advice to those who are also pursuing an interracial relationship.
1. Redza, 22 & Zoey, 19
Redza is Malay and Zoey is Chinese. They met through a mutual friend when he was 20 and she was 17. The couple has been together for 2 years but still face the struggles of being in an interracial relationship. “People still stereotype others by their race and religion regardless of their principles and values. They associate and generalise our personalities and characteristics by it and provide reasons as to why they don’t think we should be together,” Redza said.
Zoey echoed her boyfriend’s thoughts and noted, “My family wasn’t fond of the fact that I am dating a Muslim and not so much the fact that he is Malay. The stereotype for being a Muslim man would be the ability to marry up to four wives, that if I marry I must be submissive to him, convert my religion and put away my beliefs for him. I identify as a freethinker as I was never a religious person. Hence, the thought of me having faith and believing in something I only have shallow knowledge about whilst growing up does scare me a little. But to me, love is love and I am willing to wholeheartedly accept him as he is and learn the ways of his religion and culture if it is meant to be.” she said.
Protip: “People will always try to put you down, but never let that get to you. All you need to do is continue believing in what you believe in regardless of what people say. Defend your principles, values and loved ones. But never use negativity. Never fight fire with fire. Set aside race, religion and culture to see a person for who he or she really is. Break the status quo even though it may not necessarily please everyone in your life. Give and take, eventually the people who love you will see the light and respect your choices.”
2. Nichiren, 26 & Nicole, 24
Nichiren is of Chinese-Indian-Portuguese descent and Nicole is of Korean-Chinese descent. Both are Malaysians and they got to know each other online whilst Nichiren was studying overseas. “It’s been four years now and he is still unlike every other guy I’ve met. He’s hardworking, very independent and just such a sweetheart. He’s very respectful of me and is a complete gentleman. Everyone tells me that too!” Nicole said.
The daily struggles they face as a couple leads back to race and religion. “There was this one time we were looking for a place to stay. When the agents heard of Nichiren’s name and knew he was Indian, they were pretty reluctant to rent it to us. It was pretty heartbreaking to be in a situation like that. Not to mention, on some occasions when I tell people who I’m dating they come off really racist without acknowledging it. They say things like, “Oh, you’re into Indian guys?”
Nicole shared how the comments thrown at them are pretty insensitive. “I love Nichiren for the person that he is and sometimes we just have to be blunt to others whilst educating them on how they’re being insensitive and racist,” she said.
Protip: “Just focus on your relationship. If your relationship makes you happy, nobody else gets to have a say in it. Someone once told me that those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter. Never forget that without the investment of time and work, there will be no ROI.”
3. Amir*, 20 & Lin*, 19
Amir is Malay and Lin is Chinese. The couple has been together for 8 months and they met whilst Amir was teaching Lin how to navigate Photoshop. “She’s soft spoken and gentle and the way she cares for me is unlike how anyone else has,” Amir said. “I love his perseverance and how he never fails to overlook flaws in our relationship,” Lin, a Chinese Christian said.
“I struggle with the freedom of being open about my relationship with Amir because many people I know are conservative. The difference between our religion makes it hard to get acceptance from the people around me. Not to mention, it is also difficult to communicate with a different community of people at the start.” she said.
For the past 8 months, the couple has accepted the fact that they will always get remarks from others, whether kind or not, but it shouldn’t stop them from trying to make others understand.
Protip: “Make sure love and nothing else is the cornerstone to your relationship. Struggles and differences may affect the relationship but if you both have the drive to strive through any struggles, it will just be a phase. There will be judgement and differences but remember that the love you invested in the first place was never based on external opinions nor is it based on each other’s background or race. Hardship and arguments exist in any relationship but what makes it meaningful is to go through it together every step of the way.”
4. Rizal, 25 & Fiona, 25
Rizal is Malay and Fiona is Australian Caucasian. They have been together for 3 years and they met through a mutual friend. Rizal was drawn to Fiona because she is smart, kind, strong and independent. “She’s probably the only person that laughs at my lame jokes sometimes,” Rizal said. Likewise, Fiona loves her boyfriend’s outgoing and vibrant personality and the fact that he is considerate and kind. “I love that he is family-orientated and always puts others’ needs above his own.” she said.
“Having different cultural backgrounds can be challenging as you’ll find moments when you’re used to doing things or thinking a certain way and now you learn there’s more then one way of thinking or doing things. It’s challenging but good as you widen your perspective in life. It’s all about being open minded.” Rizal said.
“It took some time but we managed to overcome these struggles by focusing on our relationship with each other and not what other people think. We learn from each others’ culture and religion and respect the other person’s tradition and belief” Fiona told us.
Protip: “Race is just an idea—not an identity. Don’t let others that think otherwise change your love for someone. Oh, and go to EVERY cultural celebration of your partners’ so you can learn a thing or two about their culture! It’s the best way to understand how they were brought up.”
5. Razif, 27 & Jean, 27
Razif is Malay and Jean is Chinese. They met whilst in college and has been together for 6 years now. “Acceptance of his religion from my family means a lot to me. The journey we’ve been on has been a rocky one because my family is concerned about many things if I were to marry Razif. I’d have to change my name (the fact that I can’t keep my ancestral Chinese name doesn’t sound too pleasing to my family) and my dead body is to be buried in the Islamic way. The fact that Malays can marry up to four wives legally also concerns my family in terms of how loyal and faithful he will be to me and if I were to have kids with him. The entitlement of our children will be in his custody if divorce ever comes into play,” Jean said.
She’s had her fair share of struggles in understanding Razif’s religion and she’s received jugdment from her circle of friends who aren’t exposed to interracial relationships. She tries her best to allow her boyfriend and family to spend more quality time together to get to know one another and for her family to understand and accept Razif for who he is. “It’s like a sales pitch, they need to be able to buy it,” Jean said.
Protip: “Believe in yourself, stay true and loyal to the person you love. Never forget to have mutual understanding on the difference in culture and practices. And for those who are thinking of converting to another religion, be open and ready for the change that will come with it. Time will eventually offset whatever judgement that people have as they’ll see and understand we are all just normal, loving beings. Be an ambassador, not to parade or promote how wonderful interracial relationships are, but to let the people surrounding you understand “we’re not as different as you think we are.”
6. Ahmed*, 18 & Victoria*, 19
Ahmed is of Arab and English descent and Victoria is Chinese. They have been together for a year and like any millennial relationship story reads, they met on social media. Struggles are inevitable, especially when there are differences but making things work for the past one year gives them hope that they can see the relationship through.
“Both our parents are kind of strict when it comes to us dating because of our differences.” Victoria said. Her boyfriend noted how the actual struggled of not knowing where the relationship is going to go in the future, and if the other party is willing to convert for the sake of the relationship is scary to think about too.
“Timing is one of the struggles for us as we can’t go out to eat at 7pm because I have Maghrib prayers, but the ideal time for her to have dinner is at 7pm because she is prone to getting gastric when she eats late,” Ahmed said. These are just one of the real struggles that Ahmed and Victoria faces but they persevere and overcome their struggles together. One thing he’s thankful about though, is that his family, including his cat, loves Victoria very much.
Protip: “My advice to other interracial couples is to disregard what everyone else thinks of your choices as you are the sole decision maker in your life. If you ever have any doubts, talk it through and just go with the flow. When it’s true lover, no matter the religion or culture differences, love will pull the relationship through.”
* Names have been changed to protect the couple’s identity.
